¾ TIME: A way to keep the band continuously out of step

ALTO SAXOPHONE: A musical instrument that either plays very loud or not at all between squeaks.

ASSISTANT DRUM MAJOR: Takes over for drum major when not available

ATTENTION: Standing still while sticking out your butt. Can only talk in whispers so that no captains or other leaders hear you.

BAND GEEK: Someone who is very enthusiastic and involved in band. Willing to give up all free time.

BAND JACKET: 1. Status symbol. 2. Proclamation of true geekdom.

BAND PARENTS: The only parents that a band geek sees between July and December. The only reason the band is held together.

BARI-SAXOPHONE: An instrument for woodwind saxophone players who want to play like a tuba.

BARITONE: 1. A device for doubling with trombones except using the right notes. Also used for playing during silence. Often played by little men.

BASS CLARINET: A concert instrument that, when used properly, is still not heard.

BASSOON: An unusual hybrid between a bass clarinet and oboe which remains unused in marching.

BI-SECTIONAL: The term given to one who plays different instruments for different ensembles

BRASS: Metallic looking and sounding devices designed to over-blow and blast, sounds like farts, burps or other bodily functions.

CADENCE: A way of making the crowd forget the parade march the band just played that impresses people. Good time for band section visuals.

CAPTAIN/RANK LEADER: Leader of a section who tries to keep their section out of complete chaos in order to make themselves look good.

CLARINET: A device which, when used properly, will cause the user's shoulders to point towards the end-zone.

COLLAR: Something that always turns yellow, and will not turn white no matter how many times you have it cleaned.

COLOR-GUARD: People who swing flags and toss rifles to distract the audience's attention away from the band. Makes the band seem better. Get extra credit if they hit (accidentally, of course) a band member, yet lose credits if they hit a field judge.

COMPETITION: 1. A general gathering of band geeks to show that each ones band is better than the others.

CONCERT: Extremely dangerous form of torture for both students and audience. Fatal if used in duration exceeding one hour.

CONDUCTING: The Drum Major's method of amusing the band to points of laughter at times. Most impressive if it is actually in time with the other drum majors.

CONDUCTOR: The person in the front who waves his arms and dances wildly to the music. Constantly marks time during halts. AND constantly works on the same section of a piece for 20 minutes.

DIRECTOR: The person who claims to be in charge when everything is going well and claims denial when things go wrong.

DOUBLE REED: A good way to make a band member's face look like they just ate a lemon.

DRUM CAPTAIN: The leader of the percussion section who's main requirement for the job is to not be able to hold a steady tempo.

DRUM-TAP: A snare beat loud enough for the judges to hear, and quiet enough so band doesn't hear.

DRUM-LINE: The people hitting the drums (or each other) with sticks in time with each other, but either a half beat earlier or later than the band.

DRUM MAJOR: See conductor.

DRUM: Round hollow devices with covering on the top and sometimes the bottom. Loud.

DYNAMICS: Either loud or louder (volume).

EARLY: On time. Reasoning: To be early is to be on time, while to be on time is to be late.

ECHO: What a band geek should hear after a good cut-off. I'm not sure what it sounds like, though, so I can't explain it.

EXPONENTIAL GROWTH: The mathematical reasoning behind the fact that when one flute graduates, two new freshmen take her place.

FIELD: 1. 100 yards in length, this is a wide expanse of mud on which bands perform. Contained within the area of this expanse are frequent sprinklers with occasional patches of grass.

FLUTE: An un-tuned device for people who want to be in the band who have weak arms and don't wish to be heard.

FOOTBALL TEAM: The main reason the band can't always use the marching field.

FORMER BAND GEEK: The name given to a person who was in band, quit, and now returns (usually with food) to rehearsals to watch just for fun.

FORTE: The lowest dynamic marking a brass instrument can play at.

FRENCH HORN: Only brass instrument that is played with left hand. Involves strings in conjunction with valves and an impossibility to play fast or loud.

FRESHMEN: Designed to make up half the size of the band.

GEEKDOM: The state of a band member who is willing to give up all free time during season.

GEEKISM: Something that is related to marching band which spontaneously happens (such as walking with friends down the hall in step or whistling warm-ups, or scales without thinking about it).

GONG: A loud, large cymbal-like device. It is the goal of all good percussionists to break or crack this instrument in any way possible.

GRADUATED BAND GEEK: Someone who no longer attends the school or is over-age for a drum corps, so he is no longer in the band or corps.

HALT: A time when everyone is theoretically stopped.

HARMONY: All voices except the melody and percussion.

INSTRUCTOR: Person who tells you when you're screwing up.

INSTRUMENT: A device used for torture

MARCHING SHOES: Ugly, uncomfortable, relatively inexpensive footwear.

MARK-TIME: A time when people only move their feet (without changing location) to some tempo, usually "to the beat of a different drum.", which causes the band to sway from side to side.

MELODY: The loudest voice, usually carried by the trumpets or piccolos.

MEMORIZATION: An action that is supposed to take place in conjunction with sets and music between band camp and the commencement of the regular year, but does not generally happen.

MEZZO-FORTE: The highest dynamic marking of any woodwind excluding the piccolo.

MOUTHPIECE: 1. Living quarters for many maggots and other creepy crawlers. 2. A critical piece to a brass instrument which is meant to be dropped or thrown onto grass, loud stages, and/or sometimes mud if not forgotten.

MUD: A substance that the school wishes to grow and therefore waters the field every night in hopes of increasing. Always seems to appear on important days (e.g. contest)

MUSIC: 1. Papers which contain little black lines and dots with strange symbols that somehow show what the music is to sound like. 2. The succession of these notes that, in theory, should sound good. Unfortunately, we're not all in Theory - we're in Marching Band.

OBOE: A double-reed instrument used for obtaining a clarinet-duck sound in a piccolo range.

ON TIME: Late

PARADE-REST: A form of relaxation while standing up. Little talking, but some required to keep band geeks sane.

PERCUSSION: The group of instruments hit by sticks or mallets that keeps some beat or other.

PERFORMANCE: See concert.

PICCOLO: A high-pitched instrument similar to that of the flute, only you can actually hear that it's out of tune.

POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE: A painful form of obligation by every band geek during three of their four years in high school. An extremely useful and effective form of torture for underclassmen.

PRACTICE: The constant repetition of a sequence of notes in an unsuccessful attempt to become skilled. Usually drives family members either away from home or insane.

PSEUDO-GEEK: Somebody who isn't in band but thinks he is. Attends band parties, competitions, and rehearsals. This is not to be confused with a former band geek, or graduated band geek. See also wannabe band geek.

REED: 1. A piece of wood that makes a great excuse for not playing well if broken or brand new. Usage's: "Sorry, new reed," or "I broke my reed."

REHEARSAL: Time used by band geeks to forget anything learned during practice.

RIFLE: 1. A white-colored piece of wood used by the color guard that is intended for injury of band or color guard members and breakage of nails. (AWW...WHAT PITY) 2. An impressive show of arm strength and coordination by the guard. Unfortunately, live ammunition is not granted as well.

ROLL/GLIDE-STEP: Method in which a geek should walk if his shoes are round on the bottom. Not bouncing. Some ultimate band geeks even practice their roll/glide step in the cafeteria to avoid spilling their food.

SABRE: A piece of color-guard equipment which the guard prefers over rifles and is also more dangerous. Coincidence?

SFZ-PIANO-CRESCENDO: The act of blatting, stopping, then blasting. As performed by the trumpets.

SHOW COORDINATOR: Person who creates and draws all of the inanimate useless objects that the band attempts to form. The band directors usually add/subtract stuff to confuse you even more.

SLOUCHING: An action best displayed by the Concert Bands. The director says it's bad for playing, but hey, you're relaxed, you play better.

SNAP: Instantly changing a horn's position from attention to 'horns up' or vice-versa. Havoc for someone in front of a snapped instrument. Can only be done by half of every section.

SQUEAK: The only sign that the woodwind reeds give that they are actually playing.

STAFF: Adult leaders who arrange music, write drill, etc., but do not perform in order to avoid embarrassment from their own creations.

STANDING: What people think is the alternate for ATTENTION or PARADE REST.

SUSPENDERS: The most effective way to strangle a band geek while still keeping their pants up.

TEMPO: The correct beat, usually (but not always) carried by the conductor.

TENOR-SAXOPHONE: An instrument similar to the bari-saxophone, except it matches the pitch of a trombone or baritone. It is left with the rest of the saxes even though they don't even share the same melody. Annoying, huh?

TRUMPET: An instrument that is designed to make a band sound better. The idea is that if the trumpets play loud enough, you can't hear the rest of the band, so only the trumpets' mistakes are heard, not everyone else's. Thanx guys!

TROMBONE: A device with the same pitch as a baritone, except that it uses a slide instead of valves, so it's easier to forget the position(s).

TUBA: A concert SOUSAPHONE.

TUNE: What the condition when all instruments are within half a step of each other is called.

VALVE: A key object on most brass instruments that sticks only during important performances and solos.

VISUAL: A way of keeping marching band members busy during a show. Extra credit received if used against an on-field judge. These are usually performed one day after learning them. There are often 180 different variations of them.

WANNABE BAND GEEK: Someone who hangs out with true band geeks.

WATER BREAK: An excuse for spraying people with drinking water. An excuse for guys with water in band to flirt with girls with white t-shirts, and splash water on them. The nerve.

WOODWINDS: 1. A true sign that God has a sense of humor. 2. A biological mistake.