Cole Family Music Lessons
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Still playing after all these years -
Here are some pictures of me and the guys I sometimes play with
along with some of the dumb jokes I've endured over the years.
Enjoy! - Steve
Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured
the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains.
There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering greybrain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10.
The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000.
The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The
customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never
been used."
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down
here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The
frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer
and
make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and
one
of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her
pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps
more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how
to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks
in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over
there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in
front of him.
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30
amplificatior thingies and a
Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose
tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you
know?"
"This is a travel agency."
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears
the
island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the
island. As
he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long
the drumming
will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very
bad when the
drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and
is starting to get
on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the
drumming will stop. The
native looks as if he's just been reminded of
something very unpleasant.
"Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and
hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is
finally fed up,
grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and
shouts "What
happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only
after asking "Why?"
("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One
to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug
'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A really dumb
gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump )
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind
the drummer."
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They
have a machine to do that now.
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a
steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five: one
to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much
better Neil Peart
would have done it!
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me
either.
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't
have to retrain the drummers.
An amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he is waiting outside
the
pearly gates, he hears some incredibly fast drumming coming from
within
heaven. He immediately recognizes the playing, and asks St. Peter if
that
really is Buddy Rich playing drums in heaven. St. Peter
responds:
"No, that's G-d. He just thinks that he's Buddy Rich."
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front
of him
Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on
it!
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they
can park in the handicapped spot.
A fellow walks into a shop and says to the shop assistant: "excuse me,
I'd
like to buy a guitar pick, and some strings."
The shop assistant
looks uncomprehendingly at his customer, and says "pardon?"
"I'd like a
guitar pick please, and some strings."
The shop assistant thinks on this
for a while, and then turns to his
customer and says "you're a drummer aren't
you?"
"Yeah! How did you know man?"
"This is a fish and chip
shop."
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But
Johnny, you can't do both.
The classic one:
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with
musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds
up.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when
to come in.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his
keys
in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that
drummer??"
"Beats me!"
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you
can't do anything about it.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Unlike he had expected, Heaven is
essentially
a really long hallway with doors on either side, each with a
short IQ range
listed on it. Inside, he learns, the rooms are perfectly
tailored so that the
conversation will match the intelligence of the people in them.
He opens
the 170 door. "Well," comes the conversation inside, "I've always
found
Fourier transforms to be a rather limited way of interconverting what
are
fundamentally..."
SLAM. Too rich for him. He heads down the hall a bit to
the 115 zone and
opens the door. "I just read 'Generation X'," comes a voice, "and though Coupland doesn't do too badly in identifying his generation's fundamental angst, I was a bit confused by..."
SLAM. Not bad, but now the man was getting curious, and wanted to see what
was further down the scale. He tries 95. "Hey, did you read the paper
today? Says interest rates will go up again..."
SLAM. How about 60? "Huh. Thought 'Married With Children' last night was
pretty funny. Didn't get the bit about the hooters, though..."
SLAM. It was getting pretty bad. He tried 35. The people
inside were looking at one another and drooling.
Finally, he came to the one marked with a 10. He hesitated, fearing what he would see when he opened the door. But he did, seeing only two guys inside.
"So," one said to the other, "what size sticks do you use?"
a variation on the last
one
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the
first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to
them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is
dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman
asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock
market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have
two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He
goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle
shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
A: Drool.
Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A: The drools comes
out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A:
Homeless.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why
don't we try one of my songs? ..."
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A:
"Would you like fries with that?"
Modern Drummer Magazine
Home Page for Modern Drummer Magazine
Not So Modern Drummer
vintage & custom drum magazine, bi-monthly, subscriptions available online
Drum Bum
Lesson on many styles of drumming
Buddy Rich Interview
Buddy Rich Interview Site - Includes Other Information Also
Middle Easter Drumming
Informaton on Mid Eastern Drumming
Rhythm Aerobics
Rhythm Aerobics - LA Times - Nov 3, 2003
Stick Control
Stick Control for the Modern Snare Drummer by George l. Stone - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
1st 13 Essential Drum Rudiments
1st set of 13 Drum Rudiments for Marching Drums - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
2nd 13 Essential Drum Rudiments
2nd Set of 13 Drum Rudiments for Marching Drums - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 27
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 28
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 29
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 30
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 31
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader
Drum Reading Exercise Pg 32
Practice Drum Reading Exercise - Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader