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Guitar lessons on all styles and all levels
Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.
Q - What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A - Homeless.
Q - How does a guitar player change a light bulb?
A - He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.
Q - How does a guitar player show up for practice?
A - Drunk and late......... as usual
Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unision.
Q - How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A - Put some sheet music in front of him.
Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.
Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."
Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.
Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A - Counterpoint.
Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A - Pick on someone your own size!
Q - How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up?
A - Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.
Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - At least 2000: one to change the bulb and 1999 to insist how much
better they could've done it!
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light
What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...
and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..
How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."
Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.
The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.
The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.
The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in.
How do you know when the stage is level?
The guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb?
He holds it and the world revolves around him.
What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither have I.
2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.
A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioriation of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."
A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..